5 Ways I Will Be A Different School Mom This Year

Back to school time is upon us, and if you are like me, this time of year feels a little like January, in that we are making another new start, making promises and resolutions to do this school year better than last. Every year I make the same ones, like we will always be on time for school, I will not lose any permission slips, I will pack lunches the night before. But this fall I am adding a few new ones, and thanks to some age and experience on my back, these I am confidant I will be able to keep.

5 Ways I will be a different school mom this year

1. I will say “No"

I have had a child in elementary, middle, or high school for 12 straight years now. I am no longer the new, eager, kindergarten mom ready and willing to throw my hand in the air to volunteer and be the homeroom parent contact, or the PTA president. That ship has long sailed sister. I have since found my people among the 40+ year old school parents. We are the ones all hiding over in the corner slouched over, head down, simply too burnt out to be super involved anymore. We are the been there done that school moms, and we are looking for a few good 29 year olds to take over. Please. Take over. Because we have long since abandoned harboring any guilt  over simply saying the word “No.” And truthfully, we don’t care what you all think about us anymore- “Why doesn't she help out? She is so uninvolved in her kid’s education!”  Hey cute little baby wearing mom born in 1985, I just want to say two things; I am sorry you missed the 80s, and saying “No” is the new 30, and when you hit 40 you too will get bloody brilliant at it.  So you and your ‘Gossip Girls’ go ahead and throw all the class parties this year. We’re all going to yoga.

2. I will let my kids manage the morning routine all by themselves.

I know, I know, but I gotta try it.  I am keenly aware that I have some very big unrealistic morning dreams here. I am also 00% certain that without my screaming morning voice, and without my school stuff packing, crap organizing, double checking, and pretty much total body maneuvering of all the small humans here, nobody in this house would move a muscle before 10 a.m. But I am going to try, really TRY to stop the morning madness that has turned me into a resentful raving lunatic. This is going to require me keeping my mouth closed  (duct tape please) and trusting that my kids CAN and WILL step up to the plate, and are truly capable and mature enough to wake up, feed themselves, and get their bodies and all their stuff inside the school mode of transportation and ready to go. Every. Single. Day. And all this is going to happen without my head turning around 360 degrees, without undue strain on my vocal cords, and without tears being shed from any and all iof the nhabitants of this house. We can do this kids. We totally can.  At least until Christmas. Maybe Halloween?

3. I will let my high school kids plan for THEIR future, not the one I wanted them to have.

When my oldest started high school 2 years ago, I had all these plans in my head about what classes he should take, what ‘track’ he should be on, and what college he should go to. I never asked him his opinion. I thought I knew better. Turns out, I have raised him well enough that he is perfectly capable of both discovering and acting on what is beginning to inspire him, not what I thought would inspire him. So he won’t be in AP Calculus, or Engineering Honor Society by his senior year. Guess what? Lately, he thinks he wants to be a teacher. And his favorite subject? English. Turns out he is not a math prodigy, and he is only vaguely interested in science, but he reads more fiction that your average adult, and that kid’s personal podcast library is both intellectually awesome and boyishly hilarious. Look, I’m smart enough to know his career choices and subject interests will change ten  fold in the next five years, but from now on those choices will be HIS, not MINE, because in two years, I will not be sitting there with his college advisor checking boxes on class selections. Time to start letting go now. Gasp. 

4. I will not help do science projects, history fair displays, dioramas, book reports, and/or projects that are assigned to my kids,not assigned to ME.

Who else out there can spot a totally parent made science fair entry from a mile away? Hey mini Bill Nye, who is trying to pass off his precisely scaled and intricately engineered replica of a pool’s solar heating pump as his own work, doesn’t your dad own a solar heating company?  Luckily, I am already pretty good at the no help thing,  because four kids does this to you naturally. I have zero time or energy left for you to pull the, “Moooooooom…..my project is due tomorrow!” Because this mama doesn't say “How high?” when you say “Jump.” She says, “Well it appears dear one that you are totally screwed. Good night.” Even when the last kid guilt kicks in, and my crafty instincts really want me to pull an all-nighter and personally Pinterest the hell out of that poster board, I will stand tough. Better to snag a great big F in the fifth grade and learn your lesson, rather than let the crap hit the fan as a high school junior, when your every move is being watched by a college admissions officer. 

5. I will enjoy my youngest child’s elementary years

Recall #1. Yes, I am the ‘over it’ school mom, but I need to not let my youngest child know or experience that. In so, so many ways, kid #4 gets the shaft big time. As in, his baby photo book doest not exist, he is the king of hand me downs, and every developmental milestone is no longer ushered in with a parade, but rather a weak, “Oh good. I remember when your brother first did that.”  I don’t want his early school years to be a string of whiny and complaining “not agains” from his mom. I am in the homestretch, and as much as I really want to put the pedal to the metal and get him to the finish line, I need to slow down my race, both for him and myself. He is entitled and deserving of the same school enthusiasm from me that his oldest brother got. Weary that I may be, I need to be just as excited for 2nd grade ‘dress up like a saint day’  as  I was the first three times. (Thank God I saved the costume. That thing is already boxed and ready to go. You’re gonna be St. Patrick whether you like it or not.) So I am going to show up utterly giddy, video camera in hand, for the school Christmas play I have seen three times already, and the science museum field trip I know by heart, and I help you hand make 30 Valentines for your classmates, just like I have been doing for the last decade, without bellyaching. I vow to make his firsts again be my firsts. Because who knows, maybe I did save the best school mom experiences for the last.


Judy W said...

Laughed right out loud! I'm with ya sister.

Cheryl Scovell said...

Thank you so much for this!!! I have a high schooler, middle schooler and one just starting his school career in Kindergarten. And Yes i am the Over it mom - I am the one burned out on volunteering but am almost dragging my feet into Kingergarten with the littlest one because I am not that excited to do it again. so thank you for reminding me to enjoy his years and not let him hear "Oh that again"! I really appreciate your post!!

Lisa said...

I need to use those same rules! School starts in two weeks and already I'm bombarded with "Will you, can you?" I MUST learn to say no! (Plus, as my first year with both girls in school all day, I'm dreaming of all the miles I can run at my leisure. Dreaming.)

debvicpretty said...

I feel I'm almost working in reverse of your experience, at least on the first point. I'm that baby wearing mom (born in 81). I show up for every activity and party for my 6 year old with 3 little kids under the age of 3. I stand close to the exits ready for the inevitable tantrum. I want to be more involved in my oldest son's class, but I have no babysitter and no energy. I see the other moms who are so helpful and creative and all know each other and I feel envious and tied down. I'm looking forward to my last baby starting school and actually being able to participate (if I still want to at that point).